1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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