I'm going to jail i love you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ok first of all what the fuck
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
