I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My orgasm happened in two different decades
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
