I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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