So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
