I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
