Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
