Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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