my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
