is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
