I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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