It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
