I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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