i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
