I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
