I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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