You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
