looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
