when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
