ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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