just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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