Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
