How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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