My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Damn victory sex feels great
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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