He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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