And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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