i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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