We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
