Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
