Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
