its not stalking. its research.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
