Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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