you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
