EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
