He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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