90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
