He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
