hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
