And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
