Im at strip club and am horny
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
