He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
