Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
