I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You made out with two different species that night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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