ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
