shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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