I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
