Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
