Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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