The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
