Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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