the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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