You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They took my balls.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
